There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize