I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
