I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
