apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
