I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
