This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She bit a glass in half.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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