Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
