last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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