"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
