omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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