Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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