It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
