also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
