well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
