I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
