life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Don't make out with my wife yet
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even my vagina gasped.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
