He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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