yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
