Plan B is the new Plan A
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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