The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish they made helmets for livers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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