I just made out with a guy for $7.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
