mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize