first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
