You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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