he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
