Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
