the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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