It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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