and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
