he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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