My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
