..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
