Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
