u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
