Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
honey bunches of taint.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The uberlube is also flammable
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
