That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
