clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
