I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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