your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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