READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
