I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
