That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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