Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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