Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
