We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
