when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
