Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
