You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
