this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
