if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize