Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
