why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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