Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
