I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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