i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
