quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
