he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
