Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
