I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
