I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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