I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
