On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize