I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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