I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
