Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
