This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
