Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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