ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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