i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
