she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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