I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
