All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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