she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
