Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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