i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
