$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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