I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
