Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
