The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
