Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
