you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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