During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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