whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize