thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
