It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
