take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
