i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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