people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
