the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
