I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
