You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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