There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
