Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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